Hold on

Sorry! I know that you are all waiting on an update from my appt in Nashville today. Sorry- I will hopefully get to it tomorrow. I want to get my Ultrasound pics of Conner loaded in first! Soooo, to be continued!

exciting (bittersweet) news

So, I wanted to blog this allllllllll day yesterday, but, was (trying) to wait until Friday when I go to the Dr and know more information. But I am absolutely bursting with hope and excitedment! To me- I am so thankful! To others, it may bring worry for me.

Let me explain........Tuesday, around 1:30, my cell phone rings. I just almost didn't answer it b/c I didnt' recognize the number. All of the sudden it dawned on me- It was the Maternal Fetal Group. I instantly went to- why are they calling me??? It was Debbie, who I always deal with, who has been there with all my kids and is such a sweet person. Well, she proceeds to say that she knows I have an appointment on Friday, but, that my bloodwork that they had done had come back abnormal. The doctors really believe that these abnormalities were what caused me to have complications with Tatum and JD. They are gonna give me a presciption and teach me how to give myself injections of Lovenox on Friday when I come. She just wanted to prepare me. I could hardly even talk to her I was crying so hard. I told her I was sorry, but that I was so relieved. She said this shot will help me.

Here is why it's bittersweet (not to me- I'm relieved). I don't know what the abnormalities are yet- I will find out more on Friday. But, whatever is wrong means that my premature births can hopefully be prevented. As a mother, you are willing to take whatever you have to for your children. I know it sounds horrible, but if it keeps me and Conner out of the NICU, I will gladly have something be wrong with me. But, it does mean that something is wrong with me and who knows what that will mean in the future. But, I'm willing to do whatever I need to do for my kids, my family. They are my everything.

emotional moments

I will be quite honest. I have been an emotional roller coaster the last few days. It doesn't help that I'm on complete bedrest and having to depend on other people to do things for me and my children. And then, there's all the things in life that seem to be going wrong.

My Grandfather is still hanging on. He has, however, accepted that he will be dying soon- and he's ready. He's ready to be with my maw maw again- the love of his life. He has morned her since she died almost 11 years ago.

Mammy's surgery was a huge success. She is, however, throwing up everything she eats, and they have noticed some blood in it. She is having some tests today to see if they can figure it out.

And then, there's baby Drayke. He was born April 28th at Centennial. I met his parents and talked to them several times while JD was still there. Well, he had lots of heart and lung problems and was eventually sent to Vanderbilt. Well, precious Drayke had quite a roller coaster ride. With many ups and downs, more downs than ups, I'm afraid. (I kept up with this families blog the entire time). Well, last week, Drayke got a trach and they were finally thinking that they may actually get to go home! Towards the end of the week, Drayke began getting sick. They discovered he had the flu, NEC, and his heart and lungs were failing. And Ultrasound and several tests Monday showed his heart wasn't working. The Drs. told the family there was no way he could recover from this.......... They made the decision to take Drayke off of life support. He became a precious angel at 8:55 pm Monday night. He would have been 9 months old Wed.

To say, that I cried over this would be an understatement. I blubbered over this for close to 2 hours. For one, it's hard to keep my mind focused and hopeful- I knew this family. He was in the hospital with JD. WE have been so blessed!

But, mostly- my heart was breaking for this family. They have been through so much. They were so strong and optimistic. And to have a glimmer of hope, just to lose your baby less than a week later hurts me to my core. I can't imagine having to give my child to God. Please pray for Draykes family in the coming days- I know this is gonna be so hard for all of them. And all the people that Drayke affected in his short time on this earth.

cute things!

I am just laying here, as usual, and I was thinking about random things. When one of Tatum's many funny sayings come to mind. For some reason, she is scared of deer. She knows that they are around our house and back behind where we live. She is constantly saying, when people leave- "watch out for deer, they may hit you!" It is the cutest and most sincere thing in the world. She does say though, that if you do hit it, you can take it to Uncle Mike and he will peel it for you! Absolutely hilarious!!!!

Crazy, rough day

So, today has been a crazy day. Of course, it started out the same for me- get out of bed, brush, use the bathroom, grab the glasses and a pillow and move to the couch. JD has his monthly early intervention with Gina, and he prepared to wow her with his smooth moves! Then, Jeremy took Tatum and JD to the Dr's office- it was time for JD's monthly synagis (RSV)shot. While there, he also had Dr. Savage check both of their ears; Tatum still says hers hurts (likely for attention) and JD isn't sleeping at night. He is getting up on average of 3 times a night. Thankfully, both of their ears were fine. Well, while Jeremy was at the Dr was when things got worse.

Jeremy's aunt texted him that Mammy (his grandmother) was being going to emergency after a colonoscopy. She had a polyp that had ruptured and was leaking infection into her body. Jeremy is very close to mammy and she is a strong point for most of her family. I knew Jeremy wanted/needed to go, but, as I'm on bedrest, he needed to stay with me and our kids. Well, My best friend and sister came to our rescue. Erin took JD with her to her mommas in Athens. I'm quite sure they loved every minute of this! And my sis said she would take Tatum ( I was gonna keep Tatum, but, she wanted to come and get her). When Dana came to get Tay, I decided I didn't want to stay home by myself, so I road about 5 houses down and layed on Dana's couch all day! Mammy came out of surgery well! She is gonna be in the ICU at least until Sunday. They say she seems to be in good spirits. However,her being down and in the hospital means that Jeremy's uncle, Tim, is likely going into the nursing home. That is gonna be hard on alot of people.
My Paw Paw has been in the Nursing home for over a year. He has over the last few months and the last few weeks have been even worse. He was put into the hospital shortly after the first of the year. He has since been diagnosed with end stage Alzheimers. He also has COPD which makes it hard to breathe. Over the last week, he hardly knows any of us, he refuses to eat or drink and is in horrible amounts of pain. It is a horrible thing to watch. He is my last living grandparent...

(Not to make a pity party for me- as I'm not what this is about)- but this is very hard on me right now. I want so badly to go and sit with my dying grandfather, even though he won't know I'm there. To assure him that it's ok.... I want to go and visit mammy and let her know how much we love and need her. But, I'm on bedrest, and can't! I feel so guilty- laying around and not caring for the people that I love.

Please pray for My paw paw- Robert Taylor and mammy- Geraldine Kelly.

I want your blood

I went to the Maternal Fetal Group today to have some detailed blood work done. I get there and roll up my sleeves and prepare. They took 10 large tubes of blood; Jeremy calculated it at about 1/2 a pint of blood. She would have taken 1 more tube of blood, but, my vein ws sputtering out- it was going dry!

Now, I have to anxiously awate the results. If this blood work were to show that I have some sort of problem with me blood, then, it could not only affect the treatment of me in pregnancy, but, also(hopefully) help to keep me pregnant longer. Deep down, I kinda hope that it shows something wrong with me. I would rather have something be wrong with me than to put another baby through what Ive already put two babies through. Not to mention what I have put so many friends and family through.

I pray daily that this baby will be different- maybe I will do everything right and will have a full term pregnancy- at least close to full term.

5 day Forcast (I mean update!)

These pictures are from Wed- through Sunday. However, somehow, they popped up backwards. First- we attempted to feed JD some stage 3 spaghetti. I don't really think he enjoyed those noodles! He made to awfulest faces and spit the noodles out! It was really cute. He made some crazy faces- this was just one of them!

I took Tatum to get her first hair cut. (This was the day before my bedrest started). She did such a great job sitting there! She didn't need much cut, her hair still wasn't that long. But, it was fuzzy with baby hair. I wanted to cry, preparing to get her hair cut- I know, I'm such a sap! She's my little girl!

Then, along with my post about my awesome Husband, Tatum and Jeremy painted my toenails for me the other night. Tatum was so proud of herself. Mostly, she painted my entire toe, but, it made her feel so important to be doing something for mommy. She is continuously asking me if I can get up now. She is spennding lots of time with me- either on the couch or in the bed. She is such a sweet little girl!

Other than that, not a lot is going on. Spending my days on the couch or in the bed. After 5 days, I'm already completely bored! I said I would have never thought that laying around would make you feel so bad! OH WELL, I'm willing to do/try anything to carry Conner farther than Tatum and JD.

Hope everyone has a good week!