blankets

For anyone who has known Tatum for any amount of time, you know that she loves her blankets!  She has 6 fleecy/silky blankets and slept with then nightly!! When she was little, we never left the house without one or two of these blankets.  Her love of these started when she was tee-niney in the NICU.  Actually- the first time I held her, I was using one of these blankets.  Everyone of her blankets have a story and we LOVINGLY remember where each of these blankets came from.  We even had professional pictures made at 1 year old with one of these blankets....

Fast forward to about a month ago:  Tatum got a BIG GIRL bed from my dad.  And that first night she slept with the blankets.  And I think that was the last night.... She didn't need them anymore.  What happened to not being able to sleep without all 6 blankets??  I wish I could remember the last night she wanted her blanket(s)- wish I had taken a picture to remember when she obviously grew up over night.  This past week, we cleaned up her room and boxed up some things that we didn't play with anymore.  We boxed up some dolls and toys that were mine from childhood that she is gonna save for her babies.  I washed all the blankets and asked if she wanted to out them away.  She said she wanted to save them for her babies, but wasn't ready to put them in a box but didn't want to sleep with them- could we just put them where she could see them if she needed them.

Whew- there's still hope she's not grown yet! And I'm so glad that she didn't want to box these blankets up- I think I need them!

Happy First Birthday Conner

emotions

I have been in Centennial Women's Hospital multiple times since August 2005; twice as a patient for myself, 1001 (seemingly) times to visit my babies or my nephew LBH when he was there, and several times to visit and thank the people who saved mine and my baby's lives. I always get a pit in my stomach when I walk in there. The smell of the hospital and the sounds have never changed in the last 5 years and when I walk in there, I instinctivly want to head to the 7th floor to visit my child; even when they are holding my hand beside me.

I have struggled with that for 5 years. But, I do not think I have ever been struck as hard with those emotions as I was this past Monday... My sister is having pregnancy complications and had to have a cerglage put in due to an imcompetent cervix. Walking into those doors, and the first thing I got was the smell (CMC doesn't stink at all- it just has a distinctive smell to me). Then, we register her in and walk her to a room. A patient room. I have never been on the sit and wait side of that... I was always the patient. I guess I see now how they seemed so calm- it's all a front for the person laying in the bed. I cannot even begin to describe how hard it was to sit there. For starters, my sister in only 19 weeks pregnant- way too soon for my niece to be born yet- what if this didn't work or what if this sent her into labor... what if.. what if...

and then my mind goes back to when I first walked (well, rolled- I was on a stretcher) into this hospital and all those fears for my tiny baby that was soon to be born came flooding back. (and bear in mind, I had 2 tiny baby's there). It was at times all I could do to keep from breaking down into sobs. We have had many a scary day at Centennial Women's Hospital- and thank GOD that we made it though it all.

And yet, on MOnday, I just sat there. Assured Dana that everything would be fine- this was gonna work... AND I'M STILL PRAYING IT DOES. And allowed my heart to cry out silently to God, because my mouth wouldn't work. And played the tough strong sister that takes care of everyone- because that's my job. Fear and all- I will do this because I'm needed.

nervous mommy

Well, I have never considered myself as an overly paranoid mommy. And in my profession, I see many of those and often wonder why they are so overly paranoid.

Well, I guess I can be added into that category after taking Conner to the ER for a fall. (Let me add that after 3 kids- falls DO NOT phase me... I have never even called the Dr for a fall/bump on the head).

Yesterday, Conner fell from our bed; straight down onto his head. He didn't cry at first and then only for a minute. He then went limp and very lethargic- we had a very hard time keeping him awake and he wouldn't hold his head up. Just seconds before the fall he was laughing and playing so this was a huge difference. We gave it a few minutes and then decided to take him to the ER where I work to let them look at him. Ultimately, we ended up signing him in where he got a CT scan of his brain and x-rays of his neck. He didn't act like himself all day- but, they told us everything was fine and what to watch for with him.

There have been many times that I have had children as my patients for the very same thing and have questioned is it necessary. And some of the times it may not be. And who's to say it wasn't necessarry for Conner. But, when a parent is so fearful, as we were yesterday, you have to make sure they know you view them as important. I know I won't be so quick to judge the next time I get a kid from the ER for a fall- having been in those parents shoes and knowing how scared they are.....

So.... add overly paranoid mommy to my resume. (that title is probably already there, it's just now written in bold!)

11 months old

So, I find it extremely hard to believe that this time last year I was laid up in the bed.... wondering when my last day of pregnancy would be.

And NOW- this precious baby is 11 months old!!!!! Do you realize that means his FIRST birthday is in a month????? and I will no longer have a baby??????? Ugh... so hard to wrap my mind around!

update- just for you Stephanie

I saw a good friend of mine the other day, sadly, at her mom's funeral. She informed me that I hadn't updated my blog lately! She is so right.... so, Stephanie, this blog is for you. I love you girl and I am so sorry for your loss... My heart truly aches for you.....

To say that 2010 has been busy so far would have to be an understatement!!!! So far, we have had JD's 2nd birthday, 1 trip to the emergency room, several trips to the Dr- upper respiratory infections, migraines, buckets of snot, coughs and the stomach bug.... and it's only March! Oh and we have visited some of our Fave people- The Ronald McDonald House and Centennial NICU. We also walked last weekend in March of dimes Walk for babies- in HOPES that one day, all babies will be born full term and healthy....

Jeremy and I are also working with Giles County's Relay for Life Team- I am on the County's committee and the Captain of our local Hospital's Team and He is working with me and Wal-marts team. To say that Cancer sucks would be an understatement and we are trying to do our small part to help raise funds and awareness for cancer research and treatment.

The kids are growing more and more every day!!! I think that once JD turned 2- his speech light switch flipped on- he amazes Jeremy and I everyday with the things he is now saying. Conner is fastly catching up to JD- he is only about 3 inches shorter than JD and 3 lbs lighter- they will be in the same size clothes this summer. These boys keep me on my toes- that is for sure!!!

I cut Tatum some bangs this weekend. She isn't a fan and whines/cries about them almost daily. I think they are the cutest thing ever and wish I had cut them sooner!!! She looks so grown up with them!!!! She is playing peewee softball this year along with dancing still- which is her passion. She is still the smallest one on the field and in her class!!!

been a while.....

Conner's first snow- for what it was worth!!! He and I were sweating in this pic even though it was like 11 degrees!

gnawing with those 2 teeth that Santa Claus brought him!!!! Could have brought mom and dad some energy with those teeth since we were the ones up all night with him!

To say things have been busy the last few months would have to be an understatement!! Between, Holidays, sick kids, a death in the family, and trying to work extra shifts and taking call- what little mind I had left is just about gone!!!!!

This is a Conner Dean update!!! It's so hard to believe that on Jan 15th, 09 I was 20 weeks pregnant and starting my bedrest with him. On Jan 18th, 10- Conner was 8 months old!!! That is so hard to wrap my mind around! These past 8 months have gone by in an absolute blur!!! He is amazing- as I'm sure most "normal" babies are!

The past few months have brought Conner's first Christmas- and he got his first 2 teeth!!! Literally- they came in Christmas Eve Night- we were up all night working those teeth through!!! It was so wonderful to spend Christmas with our family and not have to worry so much about germies. I still worry, probably more than I should though- but, hey, I have earned the right to be a worry wart!!! He truly loved all the lights of Christmas and the paper was his favorite gift!

We are now trying to eat anything we can get our hands on- we may be transitioning to real food soon as he has no interest in that yucky baby stuff! He is sitting up for longer and longer periods of time now too! He is crawling too! Which is so funny to watch! He will get anywhere he wants to go either by crawling or rolling.



The one complaint with Conner- he still doesn't sleep all night!!!! We have tried to cry it out method and it's not working! He doesn't give up and that in turn manages to wake JD and then we have 2 crying boys- which is not good!!!! Oh well, I guess we will be sleep deprived a little longer- I better enjoy my snuggles while I can get them!!!!