I have another joural site, but, truthfully, I just don't love it and/or keep it up- so I'm starting this one. I WILL KEEP THIS ONE! I am soon going on bedrest and need some way to keep my loyal subjects in the loop!!!
Today, I have been on a whirlwind of emotions. It seems like every few seconds, my eyes are brimming with tears. This has been, well, some type of year. There is several ways to describe the year- but, we won't divulge into some of those descriptions. 2008 has been both an amazing year- and a struggle. The start of the year was great- I was pregnant with our 2nd child and things were rocking right along. Fast forward to Feb. when it all changed. I once again developed HELLP syndrome and Joel David (JD as you all know him) was born at 28 weeks weighing 1 lb 12.7 oz. He was an amazing fighter! He did remarkably well- disprooving that wussy white boy syndrome label- until he was about 2 weeks old and all our lives came crashing down. JD developed NEC (necrotizing entercolitis); not to go into tons of details, but, NEC kills 90 % of preemies- you do the math! JD struggled with it and prevailed- the only (hopefully) lasting issue from it was his feeding intolerances.
IF you know this boy now, feeding is defintely not an issue for him! He eats everything he can get his hands on! Including whatever is on your plate, then attempts to eat the plate, tags, and shoes are his ultimate fave! JD is now 10 months old- petite, like his sister, but long! He is crawling like a crazy man and starting to climb and pull up on anything that will support him. He did have to have hernia repair in June- but, what had the potential to be such a horrid year for our baby boy, has been a blessing.
Moving on to my Princess! Tatum!!! She has had alot to deal with in this year. With her mommy (she is a momma's girl) being sick and in the hospital for so long- and then JD, her baby brother demanding so much time from his parents, she defintely has had a lot to have attitude about- which she does! I think that 3's have been way worse than 2's- but, Gosh, I love her! She has also had some health issues this year. She was/has been having bouts of throwing up and constantly saying her tummy hurts. After several tests and process of elimination, it was decided she was still dealing with reflux (going all the way back to her preemie days!) We were also finally and reluctantly given the diagnosis of asthma (again, a throw back to the preemie days and good ole oxygen!) Se despises the breathing medicene that she has to do when she is having a flair up.
There's a quick yr in review for the babies- on to me......On to why I'm having such a bad day.......
In Sept, I was going in for Knee surgery and low and behold- I'm pregnant! HUGE shock to the system! Not a good thing.........I have had a very difficult time dealing with this. I have good days and bad days. I know babies are HUGE blessings- but, when you have almost lost the 2 you have, you're kinda gun shy about having anymore. I was also told my many doctors NOT to have anymore!
Fast forward- Both of my kids are sick. Not what any momma wants- especially a preemie momma. Tatum and JD both have bronciolitis and ear infections. Tatum is getting better, but, JD went from a slight runny nose to really sick in a few hours. It is terrifying me knowing what can happen........ I am also struggling with what I know and don't know the new year will bring. I know the new year will be bringing me another precious baby boy- but, I don't know if he will be early or if he will be ok. I honestly don't know if I can handle another tour in the NICU- regardless of how much I love them! I also cannot make my mind STOP thinking about the things that went on this last year- the wonderful people I met, and the precious people and babies, that are with Jesus. What makes me any better than those whose babies are now angels? Weren't they just like me? My heart breaks.
This has been a rambling blog- sorry! I just have so many jumbled up emotions that no one really understands. I'm tired of crying over things that I can't control- but, I need control!!!!!! I hate feeling so lost as I do right now.
Today, I have been on a whirlwind of emotions. It seems like every few seconds, my eyes are brimming with tears. This has been, well, some type of year. There is several ways to describe the year- but, we won't divulge into some of those descriptions. 2008 has been both an amazing year- and a struggle. The start of the year was great- I was pregnant with our 2nd child and things were rocking right along. Fast forward to Feb. when it all changed. I once again developed HELLP syndrome and Joel David (JD as you all know him) was born at 28 weeks weighing 1 lb 12.7 oz. He was an amazing fighter! He did remarkably well- disprooving that wussy white boy syndrome label- until he was about 2 weeks old and all our lives came crashing down. JD developed NEC (necrotizing entercolitis); not to go into tons of details, but, NEC kills 90 % of preemies- you do the math! JD struggled with it and prevailed- the only (hopefully) lasting issue from it was his feeding intolerances.
IF you know this boy now, feeding is defintely not an issue for him! He eats everything he can get his hands on! Including whatever is on your plate, then attempts to eat the plate, tags, and shoes are his ultimate fave! JD is now 10 months old- petite, like his sister, but long! He is crawling like a crazy man and starting to climb and pull up on anything that will support him. He did have to have hernia repair in June- but, what had the potential to be such a horrid year for our baby boy, has been a blessing.
Moving on to my Princess! Tatum!!! She has had alot to deal with in this year. With her mommy (she is a momma's girl) being sick and in the hospital for so long- and then JD, her baby brother demanding so much time from his parents, she defintely has had a lot to have attitude about- which she does! I think that 3's have been way worse than 2's- but, Gosh, I love her! She has also had some health issues this year. She was/has been having bouts of throwing up and constantly saying her tummy hurts. After several tests and process of elimination, it was decided she was still dealing with reflux (going all the way back to her preemie days!) We were also finally and reluctantly given the diagnosis of asthma (again, a throw back to the preemie days and good ole oxygen!) Se despises the breathing medicene that she has to do when she is having a flair up.
There's a quick yr in review for the babies- on to me......On to why I'm having such a bad day.......
In Sept, I was going in for Knee surgery and low and behold- I'm pregnant! HUGE shock to the system! Not a good thing.........I have had a very difficult time dealing with this. I have good days and bad days. I know babies are HUGE blessings- but, when you have almost lost the 2 you have, you're kinda gun shy about having anymore. I was also told my many doctors NOT to have anymore!
Fast forward- Both of my kids are sick. Not what any momma wants- especially a preemie momma. Tatum and JD both have bronciolitis and ear infections. Tatum is getting better, but, JD went from a slight runny nose to really sick in a few hours. It is terrifying me knowing what can happen........ I am also struggling with what I know and don't know the new year will bring. I know the new year will be bringing me another precious baby boy- but, I don't know if he will be early or if he will be ok. I honestly don't know if I can handle another tour in the NICU- regardless of how much I love them! I also cannot make my mind STOP thinking about the things that went on this last year- the wonderful people I met, and the precious people and babies, that are with Jesus. What makes me any better than those whose babies are now angels? Weren't they just like me? My heart breaks.
This has been a rambling blog- sorry! I just have so many jumbled up emotions that no one really understands. I'm tired of crying over things that I can't control- but, I need control!!!!!! I hate feeling so lost as I do right now.
