I have another joural site, but, truthfully, I just don't love it and/or keep it up- so I'm starting this one. I WILL KEEP THIS ONE! I am soon going on bedrest and need some way to keep my loyal subjects in the loop!!!
Today, I have been on a whirlwind of emotions. It seems like every few seconds, my eyes are brimming with tears. This has been, well, some type of year. There is several ways to describe the year- but, we won't divulge into some of those descriptions. 2008 has been both an amazing year- and a struggle. The start of the year was great- I was pregnant with our 2nd child and things were rocking right along. Fast forward to Feb. when it all changed. I once again developed HELLP syndrome and Joel David (JD as you all know him) was born at 28 weeks weighing 1 lb 12.7 oz. He was an amazing fighter! He did remarkably well- disprooving that wussy white boy syndrome label- until he was about 2 weeks old and all our lives came crashing down. JD developed NEC (necrotizing entercolitis); not to go into tons of details, but, NEC kills 90 % of preemies- you do the math! JD struggled with it and prevailed- the only (hopefully) lasting issue from it was his feeding intolerances.
IF you know this boy now, feeding is defintely not an issue for him! He eats everything he can get his hands on! Including whatever is on your plate, then attempts to eat the plate, tags, and shoes are his ultimate fave! JD is now 10 months old- petite, like his sister, but long! He is crawling like a crazy man and starting to climb and pull up on anything that will support him. He did have to have hernia repair in June- but, what had the potential to be such a horrid year for our baby boy, has been a blessing.
Moving on to my Princess! Tatum!!! She has had alot to deal with in this year. With her mommy (she is a momma's girl) being sick and in the hospital for so long- and then JD, her baby brother demanding so much time from his parents, she defintely has had a lot to have attitude about- which she does! I think that 3's have been way worse than 2's- but, Gosh, I love her! She has also had some health issues this year. She was/has been having bouts of throwing up and constantly saying her tummy hurts. After several tests and process of elimination, it was decided she was still dealing with reflux (going all the way back to her preemie days!) We were also finally and reluctantly given the diagnosis of asthma (again, a throw back to the preemie days and good ole oxygen!) Se despises the breathing medicene that she has to do when she is having a flair up.
There's a quick yr in review for the babies- on to me......On to why I'm having such a bad day.......
In Sept, I was going in for Knee surgery and low and behold- I'm pregnant! HUGE shock to the system! Not a good thing.........I have had a very difficult time dealing with this. I have good days and bad days. I know babies are HUGE blessings- but, when you have almost lost the 2 you have, you're kinda gun shy about having anymore. I was also told my many doctors NOT to have anymore!
Fast forward- Both of my kids are sick. Not what any momma wants- especially a preemie momma. Tatum and JD both have bronciolitis and ear infections. Tatum is getting better, but, JD went from a slight runny nose to really sick in a few hours. It is terrifying me knowing what can happen........ I am also struggling with what I know and don't know the new year will bring. I know the new year will be bringing me another precious baby boy- but, I don't know if he will be early or if he will be ok. I honestly don't know if I can handle another tour in the NICU- regardless of how much I love them! I also cannot make my mind STOP thinking about the things that went on this last year- the wonderful people I met, and the precious people and babies, that are with Jesus. What makes me any better than those whose babies are now angels? Weren't they just like me? My heart breaks.
This has been a rambling blog- sorry! I just have so many jumbled up emotions that no one really understands. I'm tired of crying over things that I can't control- but, I need control!!!!!! I hate feeling so lost as I do right now.
Today, I have been on a whirlwind of emotions. It seems like every few seconds, my eyes are brimming with tears. This has been, well, some type of year. There is several ways to describe the year- but, we won't divulge into some of those descriptions. 2008 has been both an amazing year- and a struggle. The start of the year was great- I was pregnant with our 2nd child and things were rocking right along. Fast forward to Feb. when it all changed. I once again developed HELLP syndrome and Joel David (JD as you all know him) was born at 28 weeks weighing 1 lb 12.7 oz. He was an amazing fighter! He did remarkably well- disprooving that wussy white boy syndrome label- until he was about 2 weeks old and all our lives came crashing down. JD developed NEC (necrotizing entercolitis); not to go into tons of details, but, NEC kills 90 % of preemies- you do the math! JD struggled with it and prevailed- the only (hopefully) lasting issue from it was his feeding intolerances.
IF you know this boy now, feeding is defintely not an issue for him! He eats everything he can get his hands on! Including whatever is on your plate, then attempts to eat the plate, tags, and shoes are his ultimate fave! JD is now 10 months old- petite, like his sister, but long! He is crawling like a crazy man and starting to climb and pull up on anything that will support him. He did have to have hernia repair in June- but, what had the potential to be such a horrid year for our baby boy, has been a blessing.
Moving on to my Princess! Tatum!!! She has had alot to deal with in this year. With her mommy (she is a momma's girl) being sick and in the hospital for so long- and then JD, her baby brother demanding so much time from his parents, she defintely has had a lot to have attitude about- which she does! I think that 3's have been way worse than 2's- but, Gosh, I love her! She has also had some health issues this year. She was/has been having bouts of throwing up and constantly saying her tummy hurts. After several tests and process of elimination, it was decided she was still dealing with reflux (going all the way back to her preemie days!) We were also finally and reluctantly given the diagnosis of asthma (again, a throw back to the preemie days and good ole oxygen!) Se despises the breathing medicene that she has to do when she is having a flair up.
There's a quick yr in review for the babies- on to me......On to why I'm having such a bad day.......
In Sept, I was going in for Knee surgery and low and behold- I'm pregnant! HUGE shock to the system! Not a good thing.........I have had a very difficult time dealing with this. I have good days and bad days. I know babies are HUGE blessings- but, when you have almost lost the 2 you have, you're kinda gun shy about having anymore. I was also told my many doctors NOT to have anymore!
Fast forward- Both of my kids are sick. Not what any momma wants- especially a preemie momma. Tatum and JD both have bronciolitis and ear infections. Tatum is getting better, but, JD went from a slight runny nose to really sick in a few hours. It is terrifying me knowing what can happen........ I am also struggling with what I know and don't know the new year will bring. I know the new year will be bringing me another precious baby boy- but, I don't know if he will be early or if he will be ok. I honestly don't know if I can handle another tour in the NICU- regardless of how much I love them! I also cannot make my mind STOP thinking about the things that went on this last year- the wonderful people I met, and the precious people and babies, that are with Jesus. What makes me any better than those whose babies are now angels? Weren't they just like me? My heart breaks.
This has been a rambling blog- sorry! I just have so many jumbled up emotions that no one really understands. I'm tired of crying over things that I can't control- but, I need control!!!!!! I hate feeling so lost as I do right now.
7 comments:
I understand why you're down... And scared and everything else. Lemme tell you, though... You are the only person doubting you can do it... And you've got us all praying for you. We love you!
I wish there were magic words that could say to make everything better. I understand your feelings and your fears. Please know that I am praying daily for you and Tatum, JD and Jeremy.
I am so sorry you are going through all of this and have so many fears and are so down. I am praying for you and your family daily. I am in awe of the strength that you have and only wish that I could have half of it. Hang in there and know that we are here for you and Jeremy if you need us. Don't hesitate to ask that is what friends are for. We love you and May God help you and Jeremy through this and Bless you again with a heathy and happy Little Connor.
I know that with God anything is possible...look at His miracles that are living proof of His greater plan! You have two beautiful babies and God has done many other marvelous things for our family in 08 alone. I can't wait to see what He has in store for 2009 and one is your little boy! Stay strong in Him and enjoy these moments!
Love you...Aunt Lisa
Laura,
Hey Honey! I am so glad to know that I ain't the only one who started a new blog.. HAHA.. I think I need to start another one.. I am so proud of you. You are one of my HEROES in life. Never would I have handled Samuel's situation without your help.. You helped me that first dayso much and JD was his neighbor. Jeremy and you are experts and some of the best parents I have ever met.. So You are going to have a precious baby boy. I will continue to pray like never before.. God is so in control.. I am bound and determined that this year is better than last. And I know that I will follow and pray like never before.
Right now.. In the Name of JESUS I pray that a hedge of protection will be around you and baby boy to be. God will bring you through this like all the other times and HE will provide help I believe that you will be at ease for the care and love for you family...
Well I am ramblin.. I love you all.. I thank God for you.. This is just God showing HIs miracle working power.. GOD BLESS YOU.
Laura,
I am sorry your down. I continue to pray for you everyday. I know I am 30 minutes away but if there is ever anything you need at all, all you have to do is email or call. I hope the kids get better soon. We've been dealing with the same thing except ear infections. We also thought Jake had RSV last week. Talking about scary, we took him to Rapid Care who then sent us to the ER, they had us scared to death, but come to find out just bronchiolitis.
Sometimes I know that my own words will not do. I know how I have felt this past year, but I have not been in your shoes. I love you and I am praying for you and the words of wisdom I will share are not mine, but from scripture....
"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." - Ephesians 3:20-21
Love, Paige
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